Children and Divorce: What happens after? Summary: The greatest issue of divorce is the children because it is they who will witness a breaking of a union, something which they have little or no inkling about. The greatest issue of divorce is the children. It is because every divorce can change lives –all the lives…
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Most people take birth trauma for granted, thinking it means the unavoidably compressive, difficult journey through the birth canal that we all wish could be easier. What is not generally known is that the pressures of birth and the interactions required of mother and child for delivery are fundamental to health. The development of the…
What kind of parent are you? Do you wear your emotions on your sleeve— every little tantrum an epic battle, and every small joy an enormous victory? Are you more laidback, letting things roll off your back like water off a duck? [. . .]
1. Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk.
2. At the end of the day, the most overwhelming key to a child’s success is the positive involvement of parents.
—Jane D. Hull
3. There is no job more important than parenting. This I believe.
4. At every step the child should be allowed to meet the real experience of life; the thorns should never be plucked from his roses.
5. Loving a child doesn’t mean giving in to all his whims; to love him is to bring out the best in him, to teach him to love what is difficult.
Addiction to smartphones or computers to communicate, get information, for entertainment, or to complete day-to-day chores is quite common. After all, resorting to digital-era technology is not only the swiftest way to all sort of information at just a touch of a button but also the easiest way to get all sorts of things done—from paying bills to ordering stuff online and to what not. Although our reliance on phones and computers is growing day-by-day, it is, at the same time, worrying to see children as young as three, playing games and watching videos on phones for hours. The fact that too much of screen time is detrimental to a child’s growing brain cannot be overstated.
Too much of screen time also interferes with child’s performance at school. It has been reported that Children who use smartphones at an early age have difficulty socializing and have delayed communication. Those who are in school and spend too much time on these gadgets have also been found to spend less time in playing outside and are also at greater risk of cyber-bullying. However, in today’s time, it is not that easy and simple for parents to restrain their kids from using phones and other such devices since everyone around them is using phones, tablets, or computers and sometimes children need information as well from the web to complete their school projects. In fact, teachers too these days, communicate through whatsapp rather than providing the information in students’ diary, which makes avoiding smartphones all the more difficult.
Research has shown that addiction to technology can be as severe as any other addictions. And so parents are often confronted with the question as to what should be the right age to introduce their kids to these gadgets. Well the answer to this question is not that straight or simple as every child has his or her maturity level. Yet, it can be said that the later the better; the more you can delay the better it is. At least wait until your child is in eighth grade or middle school. Even then you need to first set some rules regarding the use. You can also start by buying your child a basic phone rather than a smartphone.
We sometimes see parents giving their 2- or 3-year-old kids phones while eating out, or while parents are watching movies in the hall, their reasoning being that the kid would get distracted and wouldn’t disturb or that the kid throws tantrum to get the phone. Well, this is a completely wrong logic; You don’t give your child matchsticks, knife, or scissors to play with, when he or she throws a tantrum for it, then why giving in when your child demands your phone. May be some parents don’t really understand the dangers of using cell phones at such an early age or perhaps sometimes they are simply too tired to attend to their child. In such cases, giving their phone seems right to them and more like a convenient option. But they don’t actually realize that this comes under irresponsible parenting. Parents need to understand that the earlier the child starts using phones and other such devices, the higher the possibility of getting addicted to these devices in later ages. Besides, too much screen time is one of the leading causes of illnesses related to sedentary lifestyle. Obesity among young kids has been found to be because they don’t include enough physical activities in their routine or because they eat while watching TV or videos on phone or while playing video games.
Here’s how you can help your child get rid of or prevent his or her digital addiction:
1. Set family rules: Before you introduce your kids to devices like smartphones, tablets, or laptops, set some rules regarding the use of such devices. Set screen time in advance. Tell your children beforehand the purpose for which they can use these devices, and under what conditions they can lose access to them. These rules will be more effective if you involve your child too in the process.
2. Start with the basics: If your child demands a phone because all his/her friends have one, then you can start with basic phone models that can be used for communication purpose. Instead of smartphone, get him a simple basic mobile phone. Alternatively, you can lend your phone to help your child exchange messages between or make a call to his or her friend.
3. Don’t substitute toys with smartphones: These days children start using digital devices at a very early age, all because their parents use these devices as substitutes to toys. Remember, use of such devices is as harmful to a 2-3 year old as it is to older children. Never make it a habit to use smartphone as pacifier for your children. Instead carry their favorite toy along and let them play with it.
4. Encourage outdoor activities: One of the major drawbacks of using such devices is that children start spending less time in outdoor activities and become glued to these devices. A healthy and effective way to avoid this is by scheduling a regular outdoor activity as part of the child’s daily routine. It would be much better if you too take part in such activities.
5. Set an example: Remember! children see what their parents do. So you too need to set an example for your child. If you tell your children to stop spending too much time on phones, or tablets, while you yourself are busy on the phone all the time, they are most likely not going to listen to you. Therefore, if you want your children to follow screen time rules, you need to follow them yourself as well.
6. Set family values: You need to discuss with your children the place these devices have in your family’s value system. Since there will come a time when your child might tell you that all his or her friends have smartphones and that their parents don’t restrict them from using these devices. At such instances, your family values will help you and your child deal with these pressures to conform to the society.
7. Give them desktop: There comes a time when your child actually needs access to internet in order to complete his or her school projects and other such activities. Besides, one cannot deny the fact that internet is the quickest way to get access to knowledge and information. Therefore, if you truly feel that your child needs access to internet, give them a desktop instead of smartphone. Desktops have been found to be less addictive since they require sitting at the same place. An added benefit is that parental monitoring is much easier on desktop.
8. Communicate: It is really important that your children understand that the rules are imposed not to keep them from progressing further, but for their own good. Communicate to your children why you don’t want to encourage device usage; especially when other parents have already started giving their children smartphones or other such devices. Your children must understand that you are not against technology, but you are also aware of the dangers of technology usage and technology addiction. Getting this message across is very important and it will also help your children understand your point of view. Your children will understand that your rules are not just mindless authority assertion but rather a carefully designed system to keep them safe and healthy.
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Father’s Role and Importance in Child Development
Father’s Day Feature
Fathers play an important role in children’s development. The presence of a good father in a child’s life is a nurturing experience that is greatly beneficial to a child’s social, emotional and cognitive growth. Unlike mothers, who do more of explicit caregiving, fathers do more of practical nurturing such as taking children to the doctors, taking them out to play, doing drop-offs and pick-ups, or shopping for them. Therefore, the influence of the father upon children is different from that of the mother. While both of them want to empower and enrich their child, they contribute to the child’s well-being in their own respective way. While the mother encourages parity, security, and cooperation, the father stimulates independence, competition, and achievement.
The impact of a father’s involvement and parenting on the child begins in infancy and goes on to adolescence and young adulthood. Several studies have shown that an active and nurturing style of fathering is associated with better verbal skills, academic achievement, intellectual functioning, and intellectual functioning among adolescents (www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/fatherhood/fatherhood.pdf). During the playful and stimulating activities with their fathers, children learn to better regulate their behaviour and emotions. In families in which the fathers are often present and highly involved, the children are also more likely to see parents in reassuring and cooperative roles. Such children see their parents making efforts to resolve conflicts, disagreements and clashes and thus, learn to do the same when encountered with similar situations in their own lives.
Parents unintentionally teach their children how to handle their lives and relationships and how to interpret and organize human interactions. A kind, caring, and involved father serves as a positive male role model for the children. While this helps the son develop positive gender-role attributes, a positive role model helps the daughter form positive opinions about men.
The impact of father and his role in the development of healthy offspring cannot be overstated. Most children love their parents or caregivers unconditionally and feel attached to them. Their first attachment patterns shape their expectations for future attachments. The quality of bond a child shares with his or her father will not only have a bearing on the child’s personality and value system but will also influence his or her future choices in terms of relationships. The son would emulate his father’s behaviour and act accordingly in his future relationships. The daughter, on the other hand, would use her father as an example, and often seek the same traits as or opposite traits to her father, in her mate.
Besides being an additional attachment figure (other than the mother) in a child’s life, the father also serves as an important figure in the separation process. In infancy, fathers function typically as the first safe “other” that an infant seeks. As early childhood progresses and the world of the child expands, the father, in comparison to the mother, tends to be more encouraging of exploration and trying out new things. While the mother tends to be cautious with her children, the father allows them to take healthy risks that will help in their growth and development. Hence children with involved fathers are likely to be more confident, emotionally secure, and form better social bonds.
While society often categorizes a father as the sole breadwinner and the mother as the sole caregiver for the children, the importance of a father in child’s development is undeniable. Just like the mother, a father is also able to provide distinctively for the child in a way that is enriching for both father and child and the society at large.
A new study conducted by Researchers at the University of Warwick has demonstrated that the birth of a child has far-reaching effects on the sleep of new mother and the impact is more prominent during the first three months after birth. The study also revealed that the duration of sleep satisfaction decreases up to 6 years for both mother and father post first childbirth.
A collaboration with the German Institute for Economic Research and the West Virginia University examined sleep in 4,659 parents who had a child between 2008 and 2015 to study long-term effects of pregnancy and childbirth on sleep satisfaction and duration of first-time and experienced mothers and fathers.
Parents were also interviewed yearly to report on their sleep during these years. It was revealed that mothers slept on average 1 hour less than they did before pregnancy in the first 3 months after birth. On the other hand, the duration of fathers’ sleep cut down by approximately 15 minutes. Dr Sakari Lemola from Department of Psychology, University of Warwick says that women tend to experience more sleep disruption after the birth of a child as compared to men which reiterates that it is still mothers who play the role of the primary caregiver in comparison to fathers.
Sleep duration was still about 20 minutes shorter in mothers and 15 minutes shorter in fathers when children grew up and were 4 – 6 years old when compared with their sleep duration before pregnancy.
Besides, first-time parents showed more pronounced sleep effects than experienced parents. The sleep effects were also more marked in breastfeeding mothers rather than in bottle-feeding mothers in the first 6 months after birth. Interestingly, the changes in sleep after childbirth seemed to be immune to factors such as higher household income and psychosocial factors like dual vs. single parenting
According to Dr Lemola, it is possible that increased demands and obligations that accompany parenting lead to shorter sleep and lowered sleep quality even up to 6 years after birth of the first child.