“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” —The Dalai Lama
“I think self-knowledge is a key to happiness. We can build happy lives only on the foundation of our own natures, our own values and our own interests.” —Gretchen Rubin
“Personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a checklist of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications are not your life.” —J.K. Rowling
“Stop feeling sorry for yourself and you will be happy.” —Stephen Fry
“Children are happy because they don’t have a file in their minds called ‘All the things that could go wrong.’” —Marianne Williamson
“Happiness is like a cloud—if you stare at it long enough, it evaporates.” —Sarah McLachlan
“Be happy in your body. It’s the only one you’ve got, so you might as well like it.” —Keira Knightley
“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” —Steven Kloves
“The good news is that going blind is not going to make you as unhappy as you think it will. The bad news is that winning the lottery will not make you as happy as you expect.” —Daniel Gilbert
“You can’t be really happy unless you’re unhappy sometimes.” —Lauren Oliver
“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.” —Rita Mae Brown
After a successful pregnancy, labor, and delivery, you’re now prepared to take your new family home and start a new chapter in your life. However, after you get home, you might think you have no idea what you’re doing! You are acting in complete ignorance! Even the most anxious new parents can soon feel comfortable taking care of a baby thanks to following advice.
Getting Aid Following Childbirth
During this stressful and overwhelming period, think about seeking assistance. Speak with the professionals nearby while you are in the hospital. Many hospitals employ lactation consultants or feeding specialists who can assist you in starting to breastfeed or bottle-feed. Nurses may demonstrate how to carry, burp, change, and care for your baby, which is another fantastic resource.
You could choose to engage a postpartum doula, a baby nurse, or a respectable neighborhood adolescent to assist you for a short while following the birth if you need in-home assistance. Your doctor or the hospital may be able to direct you to home health agencies and assist you in finding information about in-home care. Family and friends frequently wish to assist as well.
Care of a Newborn
The fragility of infants might be frightening if you haven’t spent much time around them. Observe the following fundamentals:
Before touching your child, wash your hands or sterilize them with a hand sanitizer. Because they don’t yet have a robust immune system, newborns are vulnerable to illness. Make sure everyone who comes in contact with your kid has clean hands.
Support the head and neck of your infant. When you are carrying your infant, support the head and cradle it. When you are laying your baby down, support the head.
Never, under any circumstances, whether anger or play, shake your baby. Brain hemorrhage and possibly death might result from shaking. If you need to wake your baby, tickle them instead of shaking them.
Bonding and Calming
One of the most enjoyable aspects of caring for an infant is certainly bonding, which takes place during the delicate period in the first few days and hours following delivery when parents form a close bond with their child. An emotional connection can be facilitated by physical proximity.
Infants’ attachment influences their emotional development, which influences other aspects of their development, such as their physical development.
The presence of a parent or other responsible adult in a child’s life is essential for their development.
Start your bonding process by cuddling your infant and giving him or her gentle strokes in various patterns. You and your partner can also benefit from being “skin-to-skin” by cradling or nursing your infant close to your bodies.
Babies, particularly those who are premature or have health issues, may respond favorably to infant massage. Certain massage techniques may improve bonding and aid in the growth and development of infants. Ask your doctor for advice. Infant massage is covered in many books and DVDs. However, be cautious because babies lack the strength of adults, so massage your baby lightly.
The vocal noises that babies typically enjoy are talking, chattering, singing, and cooing. It’s likely that your infant will likewise enjoy music. Other effective techniques to boost your baby’s hearing include baby rattles and musical mobiles. Try singing, reciting poetry and nursery rhymes, or reading aloud while gently swaying or rocking your baby in a chair if they are being fussy
Some infants may be extremely sensitive to touch, light, or sound; they may also scream more frequently than usual, sleep for shorter periods of time than typical, or turn their faces away when spoken or sang to. Keep noise and light levels low to moderate if that applies to your baby.
Another calming technique first-time parents should learn is swaddling, which some newborns respond favorably to during their first few weeks. When done correctly, swaddling prevents a baby’s legs from moving too much while keeping their arms tight to their bodies. Swaddling a baby seems to give most babies a sense of security and comfort in addition to keeping them warm. Additionally, swaddling may lessen the startle reflex, which might awaken a newborn.
The Whole Diaper Story
Before bringing your new child home, you will probably choose between cloth and disposable diapers. Whichever method you choose, your child will need new diapers roughly 10 times per day, or 70 times per week.
Make sure you have everything you need before changing your baby’s diaper so you won’t have to leave your child unattended on the changing table.
Lay your infant on his or her back and take off the soiled diaper after each bowel movement or if it is damp. To gently clean your baby’s genital area, use a washcloth, cotton balls, and water. You can also use baby wipes. Boy diaper removal should be done with caution as exposure to the air may cause him to urinate. To prevent a UTI, wipe a girl’s bottom from front to back when wiping her (UTI). Apply cream to stop or heal a rash. Always remember to fully wash your hands after changing a baby.
A typical problem is diaper rash. Warm showers, diaper cream, and some time out of the diaper usually help the red, bumpy rash to disappear in a few days. The majority of rashes occur as a result of the baby’s sensitive skin being irritated by the wet or poopy diaper.
Try these suggestions to treat or avoid diaper rash:
As soon as your baby has a bowel movement, change their diaper as quickly as you can.
Apply a fairly thick layer of diaper rash or “barrier” cream after gently cleaning the region with mild soap and water (wipes can occasionally be unpleasant). The best creams are those that contain zinc oxide because they provide a barrier against moisture.
Wash your cloth diapers in detergents devoid of dyes and fragrances if you use them.
Allow the infant to spend some of the day alone. This enables the skin to breathe.
Call your doctor if the diaper rash lasts more than 3 days or appears to be getting worse; it can be a fungal infection that needs to be treated with a prescription.
Basics of Bathing
You should give your infant a sponge wash until the umbilical chord is cut, and the navel fully recovers (1–4 weeks)
In the first year, a bath two or three times per week is acceptable. Bathing more frequently could dry out the skin.
Before bathing your child, get the following ready: a soft brush to stimulate the baby’s scalp a soft, clean washcloth mild, unscented baby soap, shampoo towels or blankets, a fresh diaper and fresh clothing.
Sponging: Choose a safe, flat surface (such a changing table, floor, or counter) in a warm area for the sponge bath. If a sink or bowl is available, fill it with warm (not hot!) water. Baby should be stripped of clothing and wrapped in a towel. Start with one eye and wipe it from the inner corner to the outer corner of a clean cotton ball or washcloth soaked with water only. To clean the second eye, use a fresh washcloth corner or an additional cotton ball. Use the wet washcloth to clean your child’s ears and nose. Then dampen the cloth once again, gently wash the person’s face with a little soap, and pat it dry.
Next, make a lather using baby shampoo, gently wash your child’s head, and then rinse. Gently wash the remainder of the infant with a moist cloth and soap, giving close attention to the creases in the genital region, behind the ears, under the arms, and around the neck. After washing those areas, make sure they are dry before dressing and diapering your child.
Bathing in tubs: The initial baths for your infant should be gentle and brief when they are ready for tub baths. Return to sponge baths for a week or two if the person gets angry, then try the bath once more.
Burping and Feeding Your Infant
You might be unsure about how frequently to breastfeed or bottle-feed your child. In general, it is advised to feed babies whenever they appear hungry, or on demand. Your infant may cry, put his or her fingers in their mouths, or make sucking noises as a cue to you.
A newborn infant need feedings every two to three hours. Give your infant the chance to nurse for roughly 10 to 15 minutes at each breast if you’re breastfeeding. Your infant will likely consume two to three ounces (60 to 90 milliliters) of formula at each feeding if you are formula feeding.
To make sure they feed enough, some infants may need to be awakened every few hours. If you need to wake your infant frequently or if they don’t seem to be interested in sucking or feeding, call the doctor.
It is simple to check that your kid is eating enough when you use a formula, but nursing presents some challenges. Your baby is most likely getting enough food if he or she appears full, changes approximately six diapers, passes several stools, sleeps soundly, and gains weight consistently.
During feedings, babies frequently swallow air, which can make them irritable. Burp your child frequently to aid in preventing this. If you bottle-feed or breast-feed, try burping your child after 2–3 ounces (60–90 milliliters) or whenever you switch breasts.
Try burping your infant after each ounce when bottle-feeding or every five minutes when breastfeeding if they frequently have gas, have gastroesophageal reflux, or seem fussy during feeding.
Use these burping suggestions:
Hold your infant up straight, placing the child’s head on your shoulder. With your other hand, softly pat the back of your infant while supporting the head and back.
Place the infant on your lap. With one hand, support your baby’s head and chest by placing the heel of your hand on their chest and cradling their chin in the palm of your hand (take care to grab their chin, not their throat). Your baby’s back should be softly patted with the other hand.
On your lap, place your infant face down. Gently massage or rub your baby’s back while supporting his or her head, making sure it is higher than the child’s chest.
Before feeding your baby again, if they haven’t burped after a few minutes, switch the baby’s position and try again. When feeding time is finished, always burp your baby and then keep him or her upright for at least 15 minutes to prevent spitting up.
Getting to Sleep
If you’re a new parent, you might be startled to find that even while your baby seems to need you all the time, they actually sleep for at least 16 hours each day.
Newborns often snooze for 2-4 hours at a time. Expect your baby to wake up if they haven’t had food in four hours because babies’ digestive systems are too small to allow them to sleep through the night (or more often if your doctor is concerned about weight gain).
When should you anticipate your child sleeping through the night? At three months old, most babies sleep through the night (for six to eight hours), but if yours doesn’t, it’s not a cause for alarm. For this reason, if your infant is gaining weight and seems healthy, don’t get discouraged if he or she hasn’t slept through the night by three months. Babies, like adults, must develop their own sleep cycles and routines.
Baby should always be put to sleep on their backs to lower the risk of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). Other safe sleeping habits include sharing a bedroom (but not a bed) with the parents for the first six months to a year, and not putting blankets, quilts, sheepskins, plush animals, or cushions in the crib or bassinet (these can suffocate a baby). To avoid the development of a flat spot on one side of the head, be sure to rotate your baby’s head from night to night (first right, then left, and so on).
The days and nights of many babies are “mixed up.” During the day, they are more tired, while at night, they are more awake and attentive. Reduced stimulus at night is one method to assist them. Use a nightlight or keep the lights dim overall. Keep your baby’s conversations and activities for the daytime. Try to keep your baby awake a little bit longer by talking and playing with him or her when they wake up during the day.
Although managing a newborn may make you feel uneasy, in a few short weeks you’ll establish a pattern and be parenting like a pro! Ask your doctor to suggest services that can help you and your baby grow together if you have any questions or concerns.
A confident child is a successful adult of tomorrow, who is better able to deal with the challenges of life and better able to bounce back from failures. Confidence is something that comes from within—it is something related to how you feel about yourself; and not that you can put on. A child who is confident is comfortable in his or her own skin and knows his/her self-worth. A confident child is always open to learning and gaining new experiences and is at ease in interacting with others, and is thus able to form good personal relationships as well. It is true that children should learn to face failures as failures build resilience, but the downside of it is that too many failures can hit the confidence-level of your child negatively; success definitely helps build more confidence. So as a parent, it is very important to provide ample opportunities where a child can experience success while dealing with challenges. This, however, can only happen when parents know how to provide appropriate support to their child, without being overprotective. A healthy self-confidence can, hence, be achieved only when the child experiences adequate success and when he or she knows how to handle failures. The best thing about confidence is that, it is not static or permanent; it can develop and grow, and parents can play a pivotal role in helping kids become more confident. Here are few ways that can help you build confidence in your child.
1. Believe in your child: Confidence is all about having belief in oneself, in one’s ability to accomplish things. A child who has a strong belief in his or her abilities is more likely to succeed in challenging situations and success, as we know, in turn, raises self-confidence. But this self-belief does not arise on its own, it is the result of having faith, as a parent, in your child’s abilities. So start by showing faith in your child, as this will in turn help your child gain healthy self-belief.
2. Assign responsibilities: Another way to help your child gain confidence is by giving them responsibilities like helping you in daily chores or taking care of pets etc. This, in turn, increases a child’s sense of self-worth, which in turn affects his or her self-confidence. When a child is given a responsibility, he or she feels needed and important. This sense of positive self-worth enhances the confidence level of your child.
3. Start coaching: Instead of being a controlling parent start being a coach to your child. Your job as a parent is to provide ample opportunities for learning, growing and developing. Start working with your child as a coach rather than as an in-charge doing things for your child yourself. You need to stop being a controlling parent and give some space to your child to let him/her learn on his/her own. Your approach should be like that of a sports coach, who only trains the player and does not play himself on the player’s behalf.
4. Be open to your child’s opinions: As a good parent, you must learn to accept and respect your child’s opinions. This gives a strong message to the child that his/her thoughts, ideas, and beliefs matter and have value. This also conveys that their views are respected. Involve your child in simple decision-making activities, like deciding on the location of your next family vacation or involving them in deciding house rules. And remember to respect their opinion no matter how absurd they might sound at first. You can always reason with them. This will also give your child a sense of power.
5. Encourage: As a parent you should always encourage your child to try new things and take on new challenges. This will help your child to master new skills which will, in turn, enhance his or her confidence. So, healthy parenting means providing opportunities where your child can learn new things and skills.
6. Appreciate your child: Whether your child succeeds or fails at an attempt, keep appreciating the efforts. The child should never feel ashamed of his attempts. When you start appreciating the efforts, your child will feel motivated to try again even if he or she fails in his earlier attempts. Your criticism will only discourage your child to try after a failure. So to raise a confident child it is important for a parent to focus on encouraging and appreciating the efforts.
7. Set achievable goals: As mentioned earlier, success helps build confidence and failures affect confidence negatively. So in order to raise a confident child, it is important to set goals that are achievable for the child. This is even more critical when your child tries something new. Success will help your child try and learn new things in future.
8. Don’t rescue but work with them: Sometimes parents are faced with situations where they are faced with the dilemma of whether to come forward and rescue their child from the failures that are imminent or to let him face them on his own. Well, studies have shown that children of the parents who let them face the consequences or failures as learning experience feel unworthy of love; they consider themselves as failures and often feel that their parents don’t care about them. On the other hand, the parents who come forward to save their children from facing the failures or consequences, raise kids who always avoid or run from challenges. Thus, the best thing you can do as a parent is to work with your children, not for them. Help them organize their ideas and plans, but the execution of such plans should be left to them.
9. Keep your worries to yourself: When a child feels that his parents are worried, he/she tends to interpret this worry as his/her parents’ lack of confidence in their abilities. This parental worry is often perceived as lack of faith on parents’ part. Thus, it is important for you as a parent to keep your worries to yourself.
10. Take interest: Be interested in the activities of your kids. Your genuine interest in what they do will make them feel worthy. Asking them about what they are doing is a good way to show interest. Your positive attention to your child’s activities will have a lasting impact on his or her confidence-level.
Coming between a child and his feelings should not be an easy thing to do.
After all, every child’s feelings are literally neurologically and biologically wired into them. Every child’s feelings are a crucial expression of their deepest selves. Every child’s feelings are a vital resource for connection, direction, stimulation, and motivation for a lifetime.
And yet, it happens all the time. Lovable, adorable children grow up in homes where their parents are simply not able to fully see, know, or adore them. Sweet, healthy children reach out to their moms and dads for emotional support and too often find it lacking. Excited, energetic children just want to share their pure joy with their parents and too often end up being tamped down instead.
Childhood Emotional Neglect or CEN happens when your parents fail to respond to your emotions enough. Believe it or not, that is all they need to do to separate you from your feelings for a lifetime
Childhood Emotional Neglect is far more common in this world than any of us would care to believe. Every household is different and every child is different. But every time Childhood Emotional Neglect happens in the life of a child, no matter what form it takes, it leaves its indelible footprint there.
This simple definition says a lot about what CEN is, but the reality is that not all Childhood Emotional Neglect is the same. It can be quite a complicated thing and it can happen in many different ways. Keep in mind that you may have experienced just one of these versions of CEN or even all of them.
5 Varieties of Childhood Emotional Neglect
1. Physical Presence
Was one or both of your parents physically present enough as they raised you to meet your needs for supervision, attention, and response? When most people first hear the term, “Childhood Emotional Neglect,” this is the kind they think of. They assume it refers to a latch-key kid who sat home alone, unattended, too much, or too young. This version of CEN is the easiest to see and remember because it’s concrete. You are likely to recall whether your parents were home or not.
CEN Effects: You learn to be very independent and perhaps, hyper-competent. You have learned not to need anyone, and asking for help or accepting it is a challenge.
2. Structure and Consequences
Did your parents enforce rules and responsibilities in your home? This may involve homework, household chores, mealtimes, and bedtimes. Did they give you rewards and consequences based on your behaviors and choices? If your household was too unstructured, too unpredictable, or too inattentive you may have been left to your own devices to figure things out on your own. But children’s brains are not prepared or able to effectively process this.
CEN Effects: Having received too little discipline from your parents, you now struggle to discipline yourself. It’s hard for you to organize yourself and make yourself do what you know you should do, and you may also have a hard time stopping yourself from doing things you shouldn’t do. Chances are high that you blame all of this on yourself, assuming that you are weak or defective in some way.
3. Observation and Feedback
Did your parents see you? Did they notice who you are and then share their observations with you? Children are not self-aware. They learn who they are by looking into their parents’ eyes and seeing themselves reflected there. Your preferences, abilities, weaknesses, challenges, talents, and needs are all important information for you to have about yourself. What happens if you are launched into adulthood without enough of it?
CEN Effects: Not knowing yourself well enough, you have difficulty making good choices for yourself. You may marry wrong, choose the wrong field or trade, or end up simply going with the flow instead of making choices for yourself. When people ask you what you want it may be hard for you to know. Unaware of what you’re good at, what you like or what you want makes it difficult for you to pursue it.
4. Quality of Love
What were the true depth and quality of your parents’ love for you? This one is difficult to write about because I know it may be painful for you to read about. The reality is that even though emotionally neglectful love can be real, honest, and earnestly delivered, it does not deliver the full package of parental love that every child needs. How can you feel fully and deeply loved by your parents if you don’t feel fully and deeply seen and known by them? Sadly, what seems like real quality love in the CEN family is, actually, not.
CEN Effects: You are set up to feel most comfortable when people don’t fully see or know you because it feels familiar and somehow right. You have internalized emotionally neglectful love as the gold standard for love because all children’s brains naturally do this with the type of love they receive from their parents. You may be attracted to other CEN people or tend to keep your friendships and relationships focused more on the other person. Deep down, you’re not sure you deserve to be loved the way you see other people loved.
5. Feelings
Did your parents respond enough to your feelings? Did they act like your emotions mattered? This form of Emotional Neglect envelopes all the others because emotions underly everything in your childhood home. A major parental responsibility is to emotionally validate and educate the child. Your parents need to teach you what you are feeling and why you are feeling it and that it’s OK to feel it. They are meant to help you navigate the world of emotions, both your own and others’ so that you will understand people and how to navigate relationships in every area of life.
CEN Effects: You grow up under-valuing and under-attending to your own feelings. You may even feel ashamed for having them. You may be blind to the world of emotions (as your parents likely were) and focus too much on facts or plans or concrete things. You may be deeply uncomfortable with intense feelings whether your own or another person’s and wall yourself off when you are challenged to deal with feelings. You may feel empty or numb at times and this may cause you to question whether you are somehow different or flawed. Since you’re unschooled in the world of feeling, you may find relationships with others somewhat confusing and perplexing.
What Now?
Whether you grew up with one or all of these forms of Emotional Neglect or somewhere in-between you can be sure that it has left its mark on you. But the imprint of CEN has a silver lining that’s meaningful and real and important for you to know about.
Childhood Emotional Neglect is not an illness or disease, nor is it a life sentence. All of its effects are rooted in the way you had to cope as a child. Think about it. If your parents acted consistently as if your left arm was a useless, unpleasant burden for the family you would, eventually, learn how to hide it. The same applies to your emotions.
So now, just as your arm is still there, so are your feelings. You can reclaim them now and you will see that the vital aspects of life that you have been denied thus far will be within your reach.
Coming between a child and his feelings should not be an easy thing to do, it’s true. The amazing thing is that rejoining that adult with their feelings is remarkably well possible and has a deep and lasting impact on the quality of your life. And there is a well-worn path to take you there.
For children and adolescents, staying at home may not be so bad; they get to play more video games, read more books or indulge in whatever activity they always craved when they used to be in school. But I’m sure some adolescents are also feeling depressed as they cannot gather in their social cliques as frequently as they used to. There’s no doubt that social distancing is increasing the rate of depression worldwide.
Parents of children age birth to 6 years (or any age for that matter), will agree that parenting can be a difficult and challenging time. No matter how well you model behaviour and teach your child, no child can behave the way you want allthe time. […]
Children and Divorce: What happens after? Summary: The greatest issue of divorce is the children because it is they who will witness a breaking of a union, something which they have little or no inkling about. The greatest issue of divorce is the children. It is because every divorce can change lives –all the lives…
Introverted children are often mistaken for shy children, but being introverted and being shy aren’t the same thing. Parents may see that their child doesn’t seem to socialize as many other children do. Their child may prefer to spend time alone reading or engaging in other individual activities rather than eagerly seeking out the companionship […]
Just because you have a parent, sibling, cousin or aunt who has epilepsy doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll have it also. In fact, if you have a close relative with epilepsy, the chance of you having epilepsy is only about 2-5%, depending on the specific type of epilepsy. The risk in the general population is about 1-2%. On the other hand, there is a 92-98% chance for the close relative of someone with epilepsy to NOT have the same condition! So, even though the risk in families with epilepsy is higher than in the general population, most people with epilepsy do not have any relatives with seizures, and the great majority of parents with epilepsy do not have children with epilepsy. [. . .]
Many of us who live with chronic illness engage all year round with a costume that we take on and off: the costume of wellness. This post addresses what that costume looks like, the social pressure we may feel to wear it, and ways to be mindful of when and how we don it.
The Costume of Wellness
The visual accoutrements of the costume of wellness include makeup and clothing that mask the effects of illness. Behavioral manifestations can include denying the impact of illness in words (“I’m fine!”), in silence (pretending we are not in pain), and in actions (not slowing down or limiting activity, even when we endanger our health).
Sometimes we wear the costume of wellness because it helps us feel better about ourselves. Sometimes we wear it because we prefer our privacy. And sometimes we wear it because social pressure dictates that we must, and we feel we have no choice but to comply.
The Pressure to Appear Well
Many of my chronically ill clients fear exasperating family and friends when they have to limit activities due to illness. Some also are fearful of complaining too much and “being a downer” by bringing up their illnesses. They’ve internalized the message that they will lose relationships if they dare show up without the costume of wellness.
Psychoanalyst Judith Alpert theorizes that our culture is terrified of death, illness, and vulnerability. Thus, “[t]hose who have contact with the chronically ill . . . do not want to be reminded of vulnerability and ultimate demise. In turn, the demand placed on the chronically ill is to control, hide, and overcome the chronic illness.” (Alpert, 2012).
We who live with chronic illness feel this fear in our interactions with family, friends, and the larger public. We may see friends drift away, unable to manage their own uncomfortable feelings in the face of our suffering. We may have disappointing experiences when we reveal our illness selves, receiving the message that this is something that cannot be spoken about. And so we learn, experientially, that we’d better not remove the costume of wellness.
The Pressure to Manage Well
Inevitably, there are the times when we can’t pass as well — when we’re hospitalized or incapacitated in ways that we can’t hide. We may not be expected to wear the costume of wellness during these situations, but we likely are expected to wear the costume of “the heroic sick person.” The heroic sick person never complains, is able to joke through her pain, and comforts the well with her positive attitude. There’s a lot of social approval for this type of heroism. As Alpert (2012) notes, “The person who smiles and jokes while in obvious physical misery is honored by all.”
Little Women’s sickly Beth is the prototype of the heroic sick person. Angelic in looks and character, she meets her illness and ultimately death with acceptance, bravery, and good humor. There’s no room in this sanitized depiction of illness for terror, bitterness, ugliness, and bodily fluids. There’s no room for being human. There’s no room for truly being sick. (Machado, 2019).
Wearing Wellness Mindfully
There are times that we make the decision to appear healthier than we feel. We may have discovered that it’s good for our mental state to act as if we are more robust than we feel. We may be discerning in determining not to share the vulnerable details of our illness experience with people who would not hold that information safely. The choices of how to define ourselves—both internally and relationally—are ours.
It’s important to be mindful, though, of how much our decisions to mask our illness identity are driven by our perceptions of social pressure. Do we fear abandonment if we appear ill? Do we fear disapproval and distance from those we love if we fail to live up an ideal of wellness? If so, putting on our wellness costume can have negative effects on our mood. Research shows that when people perceive that others think they should feel happy, and not sad, it leads them to feel sad more frequently and intensely (Bastian, et al., 2012). Putting on a smile may NOT be in our best interest, especially if we do so because we fear relational ramifications for being authentic.
How to Wear Our Costumes
Each year, I look forward to interacting with the trick-or-treaters who come to my door. They are delighted with themselves. The five-year-old Superman half-believes he can fly. The seven-year-old movie star feels beautiful enough to walk the red carpet. I conspire with them in their put-on identities, admiring the strength of the pint-sized Hulk and shrinking with fear from the ghost wrapped in an old sheet. We revel together in the playfulness of the holiday and in the thrill of power we feel when we mindfully choose how to present our identity.
It would be crushing to these children to fail to believe them, to say, “You’re not a princess; you’re only the child next door.” But it also would be frightening to insist that the presentation is reality, that the skeleton has negated the little boy inside the costume. Indeed, sometimes children will pull up their masks as if to reassure themselves and say, “I’m not really a monster; I’m just me!”
Can we wear our costumes of wellness as children wear their Halloween costumes? Donning them can be powerful, playful, and resilient. But we don’t want to wear them so rigidly that others can no longer identify us — or so rigidly that we can no longer identify ourselves.
References
Alpert, J.L. (2012). Loss of humanness: The ultimate trauma. American Journal of Psychoanalysis, 72, 118-138.
Bastian B., Kuppens P., Hornsey M. J., Park J., Koval P., Uchida Y. (2012). Feeling bad about being sad: the role of social expectancies in amplifying negative mood. Emotion, 12, 69–80.
Machado, C.M. (2019). The real tragedy of Beth March. https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2019/08/29/the-real-tragedy-of-beth-march/
Researchers at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center, in collaboration with researchers at the University of Cincinnati, have underscored the link between air pollution and mental health in children in a series of three new studies.
One of the studies published in the journal Environmental Health Perspectives demonstrated that short-term exposure to environmental air pollution was related to worsening of symptoms of psychiatric disorders in children one to two days later, as marked by increased use of the emergency department for psychiatric issues in Cincinnati Children’s.
The study also revealed that children living in underprivileged localities may be more prone to the effects of air pollution in comparison with other children, especially for disorders related to anxiety and sui**dality.
The above study was led by Cole Brokamp, PhD, and Patrick Ryan, PhD, researchers in the division of Biostatistics and Epidemiology at Cincinnati Children’s. According to the Dr Brokamp, “This study is the first to show an association between daily outdoor air pollution levels and increased symptoms of psychiatric disorders, like anxiety and sui**dality, in children. More research is needed to confirm these findings, but it could lead to new prevention strategies for children experiencing symptoms related to a psychiatric disorder. The fact that children living in high poverty neighborhoods experienced greater health effects of air pollution could mean that pollutant and neighborhood stressors can have synergistic effects on psychiatric symptom severity and frequency.”
Two previous studies by researchers from Cincinnati Children’s have also linked air pollution to children’s mental health. Published in the journal Environmental Research, the study led by Kelly Brunst, PhD, a researcher in the department of Environmental Health at the University of Cincinnati, and Kim Cecil, PhD, a researcher at Cincinnati Children’s, found a relation between recent high traffic related air pollution (TRAP) exposure and higher generalized anxiety. This study is believed to be the first to use neuroimaging to relate TRAP exposure, metabolic disturbances in the brain, and generalized anxiety symptoms among otherwise healthy children. Higher myoinositol concentrations in the brain—a marker of the brain’s neuroinflammatory response to TRAP was observed.
Another study, also published in Environmental Research, and led by Kimberly Yolton, PhD, director of research in the division of General and Community Pediatrics at Cincinnati Children’s, and Dr. Ryan revealed that exposure to TRAP during early life and across childhood was significantly linked with self-reported depression and anxiety symptoms in 12-year-olds. Similar findings have been reported in adults too, but research demonstrating clear connections between TRAP exposure and mental health in children has been limited.
“Collectively, these studies contribute to the growing body of evidence that exposure to air pollution during early life and childhood may contribute to depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems in adolescence,” states Dr Ryan. “More research is needed to replicate these findings and uncover underlying mechanisms for these associations.”
Reference: Cole Brokamp, Jeffrey R. Strawn, Andrew F. Beck, Patrick Ryan. Pediatric Psychiatric Emergency Department Utilization and Fine Particulate Matter: A Case-Crossover Study. Environmental Health Perspectives, 2019; 127 (9): 097006 DOI: 10.1289/ehp4815
Unfortunately, there are still situations where children are physically, mentally and sexually abused by their parents, caregivers, family members, family friends, teachers etc. You can’t say “Who is an abuser?” Anyone could be an abuser. This is not to scaremonger, but you cannot recognise…
Tantrums are sudden outburst of childish rage or temper. They involve intense emotions like that of anger, loss, frustration, and disappointment which can result in a child crying loudly, throwing things, biting, kicking, or head banging. Interestingly, they are quite common among children of 1-4 years of age, and almost every child goes through them. Tantrums are actually a child’s way of dealing with an unpleasant or frustrating situation. Temper tantrums in toddlers are often a result of frustration. Since a child of 2-3 years has limited vocabulary to express how he or she is exactly feeling and often have difficulty in finding a solution to a problem that he or she encounters; this leads to a feeling of frustration and anger and is often expressed in the form of tantrums. No matter how common tantrums are, they can pose a huge challenge for parents and often cause great distress to them. However, if dealt properly tantrums can very well be prevented and managed when they happen. Knowing the reason behind your child’s tantrums can help you prevent the sudden outbursts. Some kids are naturally more prone to temper tantrums due to temperamental issues; they are more sensitive and get easily upset; also, stress, hunger, and tiredness can also lead the kids to throw tantrums. Additionally, sometimes kids find themselves in situations that are beyond their coping levels, situations that can be emotionally overwhelming. Here are a few ways to deal with and manage your child’s tantrums:
Stay calm: It may be easier said than done, to remain calm when you find yourself in the middle of your child’s emotional outburst—when he or she start crying loudly, kicking, biting, throwing things at you. You are bound to react, but the key to managing tantrums, being a parent, is remaining as calm as possible. Reacting with an angry outburst will only make the situation worse. Speak slowly in a calm composed manner. As a thumb rule, if you see your child yelling or crying loudly, speak as softly and in a voice as low as possible. Do not try to reason with child as it is very late once a tantrum has started.
Acknowledge the emotions: Very small children throwing tantrum mostly don’t know how to express their emotions and they don’t even know how to label each and every emotion they go through. When your children throw a tantrum help them acknowledge their emotions. If you see that your child is throwing tantrum as a way to express anger, tell him or her, “I know you are angry or upset.”
Allow them to choose: Most of the time a toddler throws a tantrum over things that involve a sense of control. In situations where your child wants to assert his or her own choice especially over issues such as what to eat or wear, it is better to allow your child a little bit of control. Let your child decide what he or she wants to eat or wear or which toy he or she wants to bring along. Give them a chance to decide by giving them two or more options. Don’t make a big deal out of your child’s choice of a weird food combination or if he or she decides to wear some bizarre clothing.
Appreciate good behavior: Find instances when your child behaves in a calm manner in a situation that would have normally caused a tantrum and praise your child effusively—give a pat on their back or hug. Tell him or her “you did wonderful!” This will help your child understand the behavior that is appreciated.
Maintain a routine: It is important to follow a routine. Sudden change in activity sometimes makes children upset and restless. Play-time, lunch/dinner-time, sleep, everything should follow a routine. If you are about to introduce a change in the routine activity or schedule, let your child know five to ten minutes in advance. Say for example, your child is playing, and suddenly you realize that you have guests coming in half an hour, tell your child that he/she has five minutes of more play-time left today as you are expecting guests. Also ensure, especially in case the child is a toddler, that he or she is getting appropriate rest and sleep and is well fed. Sometimes hunger, fatigue, and sleeplessness may make little kids irritable and ultimately trigger a tantrum.
Be consistent with rules: You need to establish some rules early on and follow them consistently. Rules work as a guide to what behavior is accepted and what is not.
Build emotional vocabulary: Toddlers often have limited vocabulary especially when it comes to communicating their feelings. Help them learn emotional vocabulary by finding situations where you label their emotions. You can even engage in role-play of emotions with your child to build his or her emotional vocabulary.
Whether to ignore or not: While many suggest that ignoring a tantrum will stop it. But this is a tricky matter. Imagine you are upset or feeling low and everyone around you starts ignoring you, how would you feel. Same is the case with children. A tantrum, as we know, is an emotional outburst. Suppose your child is upset because his or her sibling took away his or her favorite toy, and you, instead of addressing the issue, ignore his or her displeasure—imagine how frustrating it can be for the child. In a long run, this tactic of ignoring will not only be futile but is also going to set up a bad example as far as the child’s responsiveness to other’s plight is concerned. Your child will learn that whenever people are upset it is better to ignore them. Or, if you feel upset don’t reach out to the loved ones as they are going to ignore you. Thus, when your child throws a tantrum, it is better to go to your child, give him/her a hug and acknowledge his or her feelings.
In cases when you are not able to reach out to your child right away, wait till your child calms down and then hug the child and tell him/her that you were aware of their emotional outburst and now that they are calm, you can help them or comfort them. Most importantly, if you do feel that, in a certain situation, responding to your child’s tantrum will only encourage the child for worse, make sure, while ignoring the tantrum, that your child is safe and well within your visibility so that you can observe his or her reaction.
Different environmental factors experienced by a child can undoubtedly impact their life in the long run. Whether they were born into poverty, lack access to education, or are surrounded by violence, these experiences have the ability to dramatically disrupt their lives if they’re without the right support system. [. . .]
via Affectionate Moms with Depression May Epigenetically Buffer Their Child from Stress
Researchers at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center, in collaboration with researchers at the University of Cincinnati, have underscored the link between air pollution and mental health in children in a series of three new studies.
Different environmental factors experienced by a child can undoubtedly impact their life in the long run. Whether they were born into poverty, lack access to education, or are surrounded by violence, these experiences have the ability to dramatically disrupt their lives if they’re without the right support system. [. . .]
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